Love Whatever Arises

In the last post we talked about learning to love what is - accepting reality as it is, rather than resisting it and experiencing the suffering that comes along with that resistance.

This practice of accepting reality has been transformative in our lives, and life became even more sweet when we moved from accepting reality to truly loving everything that arises, and practicing radical gratitude.

It may seem counter-intuitive to love every experience that arises. For example, if you feel hurt by something your partner did or said, it might seem crazy for us to suggest that you love that situation and have gratitude for it.

We're not suggesting that you need to love what happened. Rather, notice what is arising because of what happened - what your experience is - and love that.

For example, you are feeling hurt by your partner because they got home late even though you had a date night planned. It is natural to feel disappointed, hurt, angry, or upset. Emotions are useful and intelligent. They illuminate something within us that is in need of healing or resolving.

Yes, you can go through the 4 Questions that we explained in the last post, and come to accept reality as it is. While this approach is great for removing the suffering caused by arguing with reality, clearing your mind, and giving you a fresh perspective, it does not always get to the root of the emotional experience.

The Process

When challenging emotions arise, use this process:

First, allow yourself to simply be with the emotions.

Often, when a challenging emotion arises, our first impulse it to want to move away from it. We will try to distract ourselves, push the emotion down, or resist it in some way. Instead, get present to the emotion, and allow it to be there. This doesn't mean you have to like the emotion or want it to stay, but for now, just allow it to be there, allow it to be felt.

Notice how the emotion feels in your body. Every emotion causes a reaction in the body. Feeling into the body helps us to get out of our head and really experience the emotion.

Once you are present to the emotions that you are experiencing, and allowing rather than resisting them, one by one, send love to the part of yourself that is feeling that way. You can place a hand on your heart, or wherever you feel the emotion, and say "I love you". You can offer any other words that feel good to hear. Some emotions may be more challenging to love.

You may not be willing to love some of the emotions you experience. That is okay. Love the one who is unwilling to love this emotion. Whatever experience arises as a result of getting present with the emotions, love that. Love anything that arises.

This practice of loving what arises pairs beautifully with the practice of loving what is & the 4 questions explained in the last post.

Once you've become present to how you are feeling, and allowed it to be there, then you can apply the 4 questions to whatever beliefs or judgements are swirling in your head. This step addresses the more intellectual side of the experience, and from there you can reap the healing available from the emotional experience by loving everything that arises in the process.

Tool For Your Relationship

This is powerful work to do on your own, and also a beautiful tool for your relationship.

When there is a hurt between two people, it is an indication that there is something there for both of you that is in need of healing. This is why it is so important not to avoid the challenging emotions that arise in your relationship, or sweep irritations under the rug.

The hurt or upset that arises is an opportunity for you to get present with the emotion, what is behind it, what really caused it, what is there that needs to be expressed, and most importantly, what is there that needs to be loved. Then, you can provide that love to yourself and to each other.

Often, what we think we need from our partner, we can give to ourself more powerfully. By giving ourself the love and attention that we need, we can stop feeling like we're trying to get something from our partner, and instead love them fully as they are, as we are.

This is how two people can come together in a conscious relationship, in order to support each other to grow and heal and become more fully themselves, more fully alive.

Practice

Today, we invite to you to practice being aware of the emotional currents that arise, and staying present with them rather than trying to push them away. See what gifts they are bringing, and be grateful for this inner compass that continues to point you in the direction of your highest self and your most connected relationship.

Love Fully,

Cass & Matt