How Optimizing Your Health Can Up-Level Your Relationship

When you think about developing a great relationship, your health might not be the first thing that comes to mind.

However, the more energy you have, the more you are able to show up fully in your relationship. The more you can support your partner in being the most healthy, radiant version of themselves, the more energy they have to show up for you and the relationship.

When you are both more well-resourced, it’s much easier to relate to one another with playfulness, understanding, and patience.

I’m sure you can think of some less optimal moments in your relationship when you were feeling tired or hangry, that probably would have gone much differently if you had both been in good physical energy.

Personally, I can think of some low moments as Matt and I navigated airports during overnight-around-the-world journeys while being under-slept, jet lagged and not properly nourished.

In those times when we don’t have the energy our body needs to function optimally, it makes sense that the bit of extra energy the brain needs to help us be considerate, have perspective, and be attuned to our partner is not the top priority.

Fundamentals - The Big 3

When I’m referencing the fundamentals, I’m talking about eating, moving and sleeping (we can also add breathing and focusing to that list, but for today we’ll just focus on these Big 3).

These are things that seem simple, but most of us struggle with at least one and probably more of these areas. Or, if we’re not struggling per se, we could benefit from the increased energy that would come from optimizing one or more of these.

Research by positive psychologists has found that there are 5 strengths - or virtues - that are most highly correlated with living a flourishing life. Guess what the #1 virtue is? Zest!

Here is how the Virtues in Action website defines Zest:

“Zest means approaching a situation, or life in general, with excitement and energy, not approaching tasks or activities halfway or halfheartedly. People who are high in zest are excited to get up in the morning, and they live their lives like an adventure. Zest is a dynamic strength that is directly related to physical and psychological wellness. This strength has the strongest ties to overall life satisfaction and a life of engagement.”

Of course, your physical energy is a core part of Zest. Being “excited to get up in the morning” is much more challenging if you’ve been consistently sleep deprived, or your hormones are out of balance.

So, focusing on making simple shifts in our Eating, Moving and Sleeping can have a profound impact on our zest, and thereby our overall flourishing.

Optimizing Your Energy

It may seem like focusing on external actions and productivity helps you get more done, even if it is at the expense of consistently getting a great sleep, or eating well or moving enough.

However, when you really focus on dialing in these fundamentals, you’ll find that you have more energy, and you are able to get more done in less time, and feel much better in the process.

Positive change doesn’t have to be complicated, and just some small and simple adjustments in each area can produce big shifts.

Gaining even a few percent more energy puts you into an upward spiral, because that bit of extra energy will make it easier for you to make more adjustments and do the things that you know are great for you, which will lead to further increased energy.

The hardest part is the momentum to get started. Or, re-started.

It’s important to note that taking care of our fundamentals is a life-long process that has its ups and downs, so it doesn’t mean that when you implement changes you’re done for life. I’m sure you already know that, because at some point you’ve probably made changes that have led to an increase in your energy, and then fell off of them later on.

That’s all a perfectly natural part of the life-long process of optimizing your Zest, so don’t see that as a sign of failure, but as a time to practice recommitting to your fundamentals.

The #1 Thing

I’ll invite you to reflect on your eating, moving, and sleeping (this would be a great time to bust out your journal if you feel so inspired!).

For each of these areas, ask this question:

What is the #1 thing I know that I could start or stop doing that would have the biggest impact on this area?

Look for the simplest shift that will have the biggest impact.

Making a shift in all 3 of these areas at the same time can be very powerful, and it can actually be easier than focusing on just 1.

Let’s say you want to start going for a walk each morning. If you only commit to the morning walk, but you didn’t get enough sleep the night before and ate a heavy meal too late, when you wake up in the morning you might have a hard time summoning the energy for that walk. 

However, if you commit to getting a good night of sleep and eating your last meal at least 3 hours before going to bed, then you are likely to wake up with more energy to go for a walk in the morning. Then, after that walk you might feel more energized to prepare yourself a nice meal.

You can see how powerful the upward spiral can be!

Make it a Habit

Once you’ve identified the #1 thing you will start or stop for each of the Big 3 fundamentals, then it’s time to create a habit around each of these so that you don’t need to rely on your willpower to make these changes.

I’ve written a blog post that outlines exactly How to Create Habits that Actually Stick. Give this a read and follow the steps I’ve outlined there to turn each of your targets into a micro-habit that is easy to implement and keep over the long-term.

Support Each Other

Now that you’ve identified what new habits you are going to install, you can use the container of your relationship as a support to help you maintain these habits.

Share with you partner what your #1 start or stop is for eating, moving and sleeping, and tell them how you are turning that into a habit.

Then, request any support that you feel would be helpful for them. Would you like them to hold you accountable? Maybe you can create a fun habit tracking competition together. Or, maybe you have a request that involves a shift in responsibilities or schedules that will be really helpful to implement your habit.

If they are open to it, invite your partner to do this process too and identify what #1 thing they will start or stop in each area, and create habits around each. How can you support your partner in implementing their changes and keeping their habits?

If your partner isn’t into doing this themselves, don’t let that dissuade you from making your own changes.

Even if they don’t make any of their own changes, when you optimize your fundamentals and increase your zest, you will be able to show up more powerfully for the relationship. This may even inspire your partner to make some changes once they see you in action!

Any change we wish to see in our relationship, we should first make the change within ourselves, unilaterally.

I’d love to hear how this goes for you!

Send me an email at [email protected] or message me on Instagram @abundantcouples to share your experience!  Or, if you would like some support with identifying areas of change and creating and keeping habits, learn more about my coaching services.

If you want to dive deeper into this topic, take a listen to the Abundant Couples Podcast episode on the subject: Show up for Your Partner by Showing up for Your Health.