Self-Love and Relationships: Do You Need to Love Yourself First?

Hey lovers, welcome back to the blog! Today’s post is a special one—it's coming to you straight from the vault.

We originally recorded this episode back in December of 2023, just a few months after our wedding. It's been waiting for the perfect moment to be shared with you all, and that time is now.

In this post, we’re exploring a question that often comes up in conversations about love and relationships:

Do we truly need to love ourselves first before we can love someone else?

We'll be diving deep into this sentiment, examining it from different angles, and uncovering the truth nuggets inside of it.

So, if this topic resonates with you, keep reading! And don’t forget to subscribe to our blog so you never miss out on future posts.

Self-Hatred and Relationships: A Deep Look

Let’s get right into it. On one hand, if you’re dealing with a deep level of self-hatred or self-loathing, it’s clear that some inner work needs to be done.

This kind of extreme negativity towards oneself can make it challenging to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s like trying to build a strong house on a shaky foundation. Without addressing that core self-loathing, your relationships might suffer.

However, when it comes to more common experiences like self-doubt, negative self-talk, or issues with self-image and confidence, I don’t believe you need to be fully in love with yourself to have a great relationship.

Loving yourself doesn’t have to be a prerequisite for loving someone else.

For many people, including myself, it’s often easier to love someone else first. When we’re in love with another person, it can actually teach us how to love. From the moment we’re born, we’re bathed in the unconditional love of our caregivers.

This early experience of love forms the foundation of what love is for us. So, in a healthy relationship, your partner can help you see what’s great about yourself. They can help you learn to love yourself more deeply.

The Synergy Between Self-Love and Partnership

In a healthy relationship, our partner can bring out the best in us. They can hold up a mirror that reflects our most beautiful qualities, helping us to see and love ourselves in a new light.

This process of loving and being loved is synergistic—through partnership, we can encourage each other to love and accept ourselves more fully.

When you tap into the infinite source of love within yourself, you become more secure in your relationships. This eliminates the fear of losing love, which ironically, makes you feel more secure and actually enhances the love you experience.

It’s one of those paradoxes of love: the more we let go of the fear of losing love, the more we’re able to fully feel and receive the love that’s already there.

Practices for Deepening Self-Love

So, how do you deepen your self-love? It starts with acceptance. Often, what stands in the way of self-love is the rejection of some part of ourselves.

Whether it’s shame for not being the way we think we should be, or pressure to be something we’re not, these feelings create a barrier to self-love.

Acceptance is the first step.

It’s about embracing all parts of yourself, even the ones you might not like. And while it might sound easier said than done, it’s not as hard as it seems—especially if you have someone to guide you through the process.

From a place of deep acceptance, you can look at yourself without judgment and truly start to love every part of who you are.

If you’re ready to deepen your self-love and enhance your relationships, download our free guide: 17 Habits for an Outstanding Relationship

It’s packed with actionable tips and insights to help you and your partner grow together in love and connection.

Stay tuned for more on this topic and more in our next blog post!