Using the 5 Love Languages in Your Relationship

The way we naturally express our love may not be the way our partner naturally receives it.

For example, one partner - we'll call them Rey - may be cleaning up the kitchen every evening as a way to express their love and caring to their partner, Cee.

However, if Cee's natural way to experience love is through Quality Time, then Cee may not appreciate that Rey's Acts of Service are an expression of love.

Cee may even be wishing that Rey would just leave the dishes for tonight so they can do something fun together instead.

Each of us has a way of expressing and receiving love that comes more naturally and speaks to us more deeply.

The idea of the 5 Love Languages is that there are 5 main ways that we experience love. Dr. Gary Chapman outlines them in his great book The 5 Love Languages. They are:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch

When we become aware of our own primary Love Languange and our partner's, then we can fill each others' "love tanks" much more easily.

The common mistake is assuming that because I feel loved when my partner does/says this, that my partner will also feel loved when I do the same for them.

Here's an example in our own relationship: One of Matt's primary love languages is Words of Affirmation, and one of mine is Gifts (I say "one of" because we both have 2 tied for first).

Because Matt's is Words of Affirmation, he would often express his love verbally by saying wonderful, sweet things.

Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate his kind and loving words. However, when we learned about love languages, Matt tried something different. Instead of saying loving things to me, he wrote those same words on a little note and left it somewhere for me to find.

When I found the little note, my heart soared. It was the same messages he commonly said to me verbally, but receiving these words in the form of a little surprise gift filled up my heart even more.

To determine your primary love language, think of what your partner does/says that makes you feel the most loved.

You can also take the quiz on the 5 Love Languages website for more clarity! Find out what your primary love language is, and get your partner to determine theirs.

Now, it's important to recognize that expressing love to your partner in their primary love language may not come naturally to you at first.

To help make it more natural, try this: each morning, write down 1 thing that you can do for your partner today to express love in their primary love language.

As you practice this more and more, it will become more natural for you, and you will have the beautiful reward of lighting your partner up with even more love.

Love,

Cassidy